Cedric,
Wilma, Daryl, Christopher and Colin, - THANK YOU for inviting
me to pay this tribute to Cassian and it will be a very
personal one! I consider it a privilege and honour to
be participating in this celebration of his life - an
occasion tinged with sadness at his departing but, looking
from above, I am sure that Cassian will approve that his
send off should be a gathering of relatives & friends
who knew and loved him - a very social affair.
There is no doubt that Cassian had a wide circle of friends
and there are many who have known him much longer than
me. However, I feel that I have a slight edge because
Cassian lived with us (Bernie and me) for nearly a year
before he moved to his flat in Ealing. It is only when
one lives under the same roof in close proximity that
one gets a better insight of a person. However, I doubt
that one ever gets to know a person completely. Because
of my involvement with the Goan Association (UK), where
he served as an office-bearer long before me, we used
to have endless debates on what role the Goan Association
should play in the life of the community. We had our disagreements
but on one point were in total agreement - we could not
accept the expulsion of members. He had a brilliant analytical
mind and therefore, he always considered that problems
could be solved with discussion rather than confrontation
and he practised what he preached. To me, he was a unique
friend because he cared for people passionately especially
the underdog. Perhaps, it was because of his own weakness
and I refer here to his love for the amber nectar) that
he had an understanding of people which eluded me.
Born
55 years ago in Nairobi, Cassian had his early education
in Mombasa where I was born and bred. My recollection
of him then is faint but I remember his parents well (Gerald
and Margaret) particularly his father, who was a gifted
musician and the choir master at the Holy Ghost Cathedral
there. The family left Kenya just before his "O"
levels which he took in the UK and followed it with three
"A" levels passing with flying colours. This
achievement is all the more striking because he taught
himself at home. Then came his BSc degree in maths at
Imperial College and his doctorate in Nuclear Physics
at Queen Mary College, London.
His
career in industry involved a fifteen year stint with
Amoco, an American Oil Company, and when his office moved
to Hanger Lane he decided to relocate from Edmonton to
Ealing. I clearly recall receiving a phone call one evening
to say that he was homeless and asking if I could put
him up until he bought his own place. I had no hesitation.
He was due to move on a Saturday evening - we waited and
waited but there was no Cassian. On early Sunday morning,
he turned up and on enquiring where he was, he told me
he spent the night in police cells. I can well imagine
the perplexed look on the officer's face when Cassian
was asked where he lived - he said that he lived in Edmonton
but he had sold his place was moving to Greenford but
he did not know the address or telephone number. Well,
the next morning, his brother Cedric came to the rescue
but Cassian paid a heavy price for that traffic violation
- he had to give up his love for driving and dispose of
his "dream" car - his beloved Ford XR4. Forever
the optimist, he put it behind him and got on with life
living in Greenford and travelling everywhere by public
transport.
It
was at this time, that he was forced to do a spell of
community work. Rather than being a sentence, he seemed
to relish the challenge as it got him involved with people.
The merger between Amoco and BP led to the consolidation
of their respective workforces and resulted in Cassian
parting company with the oil industry.
Then
followed another challenge, with Cassian successfully
completing a teachers training course and teaching maths
in a secondary school in Hounslow. However, this work
did not bring him the satisfaction he craved because he
felt that more time was spent trying to discipline unruly
boys than imparting knowledge and he left the teaching
profession to pursue other activities. At about this time
too, he gave up his legendary affinity for the amber nectar
and helped others to do the same by being a volunteer
for AA. He also used his time to help other charities
including the Samaritans. The strength of his character
gave him the resilience to cope with the various changes
and challenges in his life and there were many!
His
one love is what I will remember most - his love for travelling.
The only problem is that he sometimes took off without
telling anyone but no matter where he was, I would get
a phone call or more recently an e-mail. I remember one
Christmas, when his brother called me very concerned and
asked me if I knew where he was. On asking why, Cedric
said that it was early afternoon and Cassian had promised
to come to lunch but had not turned up. I told him that
it was unlikely Cassian would make it because I had just
received a call from him in Toronto wishing me a HAPPY
CHRISTMAS. Cassian was a free spirit and, if he had one
failing, it was his inability to understand that there
were people around him who also cared about him. He just
did not appreciate this reciprocal affection and it appears
that he considered reaching out to people for help was
a weakness - he just did not want to be a burden. Perhaps
this is a legacy which Cassian left for me because there
are many like Cassian who live on their own. In my role
as President of the Goan Association (UK), I would like
to make a plea that if you live on your own and are not
working - please, please establish a pattern with someone
- make a phone call every day or send an e-mail just to
say you are okay so someone who cares is alerted if the
pattern is broken. If you do not wish to trouble a close
friend or relative, then get an aid call which can summon
help at the press of a button. For me and Cedric who found
Cassian, we will always live with the regret that we reached
too late to help him and forever dwell on the thought
- if only!!!
Cassian
enjoyed life to the full. His death will leave a vacuum
in the lives of his family particularly his three nephews
for whom he cared very deeply. I will miss his friendship
and generosity - that obsessive desire to help others
less well off than himself. I remember him coming home
one day after he put all the money he had on him into
a collecting tin at a tube station because he felt sorry
for the collector - he even offered the young lady his
car. I told him that it would not surprise me if he came
home one day without his pants on, having given it to
some homeless person he met on his way home. That was
Cassian and may he be rewarded with eternal joy in heaven
for all the kindness and pleasure he brought to all those
whose lives he touched! Goodbye my dear Cassian, rest
in peace!
Flavio Gracias
5.11.2004